A lil reality

Well let me just start by saying this is by far the absolute hardest/most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life. When I slow down and really look back the Lord has been working so so much in me. He helped me push to get this far, alot has come in the way. This isn’t just a small commitment I have realized it’s a whole season of my life committed to God it is a launching pad to a life committed to God.  There is alot that the Lord has asked me to surrender, not all were easy but I have done so and have been completely mind blown by what the Lord has given me in return of those things. One of the things was control, which I can honestly say I didn’t even know I had. I realized really quickly I did. The question I ask now why would I want to be in control of every relationship, every encounter, everything done or said. Why wouldn’t I want to give up that control and trust it in the Lords hand. I have been learning to put the Lord first in literally all things, I’ve run into moments that I’ve felt uneasy and was like okay Lord your in control whatever happens it is of you and I will give you the reins. Truly, He is the only one that knows where my next step is and fully giving that to him and trusting him fully to lead me, this has come with some doubt and challenges along the way. I’ve realized not starting my day out slowing my brain down and intentionally spending time with the Lord. The enemy has quickly came in and giving me not good thoughts, tiredness, and fear. 

Getting to South Africa has been a little bit of a challenge.. the different culture, the difference transition, the completely different time change from home. Boarding the plane gave me the slightest fear of not knowing what was gonna happen next, when will I get to talk to my people from home, what am I truly going into. Even now I am 2 weeks in and still don’t feel myself. Things have come up that weren’t easy for me to walk through. Honestly I’ve reached this point every section of the race, when it first started in Georgia, arriving in Guatemala, and now South Africa. A point that I have hit a wall that I want to just choose the easy route and turn around and going home. I miss home so so much, I miss normality of just life in general.. so with that choosing into being here, choosing into the squad, choosing into why I am here.. because truthfully I don’t wanna go early. I want to finish this out, the Lord called me here for a reason and this particular time. I have learned no matter how I feel, which choice I make that this is hard, yes, but He has a reason for all the things I have walked through. I need to remain OBEDIENT to this calling. 

There is something happening on the race that no one will even understand or get sometimes. The Lord truly has grown me so so much spiritually that I personally haven’t realized until someone pointed out. He has dramatically worked on me and my identity showing me that my heart and who I am is so much more then I see myself. Simple things that I have give up just simply mascara ( this sounds crazy but I can’t even walk outside with out it in the morning) I have put so much of my identity in all these little things. Thats not where my Identity lies, I need to only find it in the Lord. I have come to finally realize there  isn’t a single thing of the world that will ever satisfy me but the Lord solely. He has put people in my life and I cannot even begin to understand because I feel like there is no way the Lord would put these amazing people in my life but He did. I will take that and run with it. Thank you Lord for what you have and are doing in me..